Why Therapy for Men is Needed

Tailoring counselling and therapy for men is needed because of the particular issues we face. I am in my later fifties and have to juggle life, work and family commitments with no respite – and it’s hard. And there is no way out until retirement. It’s as if my whole identity is tied up with a role as provider. I sometimes feel like a job and a role, rather than a person.

As boys we are encouraged to be tough, strong, providers and not show weakness or any other emotions. But this doesn’t mean we don’t have emotions – we do, we just don’t know how to work with them.

It’s no wonder we have anger and frustration – and why suicide is the leading cause of death in men aged under 50 (cited from the 2018 published report from the Office for National Statistics). And it’s not hard to imagine that our ill health may also be a result of the stresses and pressures we face.

But leaving health aside, the impacts on our day-to-day quality of life can be a big problem. Where’s our happiness and contented relationships?

Dealing with Mental Health and Wellbeing

Rather than seeking counselling or therapy for men, these are the kinds of things we may do:

• Nothing. After all, we’re taught to endure it and be tough. Couldn’t possibly show any weakness or vulnerability.
• Talk to our mates. They might give advice which may or may not be useful and helpful, or they might close the topic down.
• Use distraction techniques. Going to the pub, gaming, playing five-a-side, fishing or whatever our hobby is can be a useful distraction. But if we do too much we’ll just get more grief for being away from home and never really fix the problem.
• Self-medication. We may drink too much to cope or turn to other substances or develop eating disorders. So we may put weight on and our health deteriorates which ultimately makes things worse.

We may also be making problems worse by the way we treat others. If we close down and don’t talk or share, our partners and family get annoyed at us. By not learning to read and feel emotion, others may see us as uncaring and cold. When we don’t treat people the way they would like to be treated, they withdraw from us and we get lonely and isolated and may find ourselves in conflict and disagreement.

Tailoring counselling and therapy for men helps us deal with stuff in a healthy, useful way. It’s a safe, non-judgemental way to talk through what’s happening and learn coping skills. Self-medication, distraction and doing nothing only prolongs the problems and may even make them worse. But another man who has experienced similar feelings can help give some guidance.

Other Forms of Support

Men’s support groups can be a useful way to talk through issues. They’re not designed as therapy or counselling for men but can provide a useful outlet to help you see that other men are in similar situations and to see what they might do about it.

You might have some independent local groups near you but some also provide online groups:

• Mentell – https://www.mentell.org.uk/ (also offer online circles)
• Andys Man Club – https://andysmanclub.co.uk/groups/

Whether you specifically try counselling for men or not, these links may provide additional support for you.