Changing Behaviour and Thinking Patterns

Counselling and therapy can help us find ways of coping with things that have happened to us, such as a bereavement or redundancy. But sometimes we may find ourselves repeating behaviours and patterns such as conflicts or poor decision-making. In these cases we may need to look at changing behaviour and thinking patterns.

Therapies such as cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) can help here. The principle is that the way we think and feel leads to our actions and subsequent consequences. So if we want different consequences, we need different actions. This needs us to change the way we think and feel.  

How CBT-based therapies work

CBT techniques teach us to look at what we are thinking and feeling, and to understand the actions arising from them. If we change the way we think and feel, we can change our future actions.

This helps when problems are caused by our own actions or feelings, or when working towards a goal. With coaching we may start with the desired consequences – goals – then identify the actions to achieve it. Then we can identify the behaviour and thinking patterns needed to bring about those actions. If our current patterns match what’s required then a coach can then help us ensure we stay true to it and work towards it. But if they don’t, a coach or therapist can help us find something more suitable.

But it doesn’t work so well when trying to cope with something, e.g. bereavement or childhood trauma. As these are not brought about by our behaviour and thinking patterns, a CBT-based approach may not help. They may help alleviate symptoms, but often it needs a fundamentally different approach.

Therapies for Changing Behaviours and Thinking Patterns

CBT uses homework to help identify inappropriate or unhelpful behaviour and thinking patterns, and to rate how significant they are. We then find ways to change them and compare how much better we are doing. So a lot of analysis takes place outside of therapy as it requires you to be aware of what you are thinking and feeling, and the impacts of it. Mindfulness is vital for this as without knowing what you are thinking and feeling, you can’t change it. You might need to spend time using and learning mindfulness for it to be effective.

Solution-focused Brief Therapy takes a different approach. It considers future consequences, then looks at the actions needed to deliver them. The principle is that you already have the inner strengths and ideas to achieve or change something, but perhaps aren’t aware that you do. So the therapy helps you see it and know what to do. The big advantage over CBT is that it is fast. Where CBT may take 6 or 8 sessions, solution-focused therapy may need only one or two. And it doesn’t need homework or analysis of how you think and feel or what the consequences of previous actions may have been.

Person-Centred Counselling

Person-centred counselling does not require homework either and is more focused on you, rather than the technique a therapist may want to use. It is based on giving you the time to explore, consider and talk, with the therapist bringing empathy, understanding and listening skills. Most of us have spent our lives being told how to think or act without the ability to discover whether it works or not, or whether it is suitable for us. Person-centred counselling creates that opportunity.

It may not be as quick as CBT or solution-focused therapy, but it can bring about much deeper, longer-lasting and ultimately more fulfilling change. It also works with things that don’t have a ‘fix’ or that aren’t brought about by our own actions, such as grief and trauma.

How I can help

My approach means you don’t have to decide what is suitable for you. As a fundamentally person-centred counsellor, I focus on what you need. If you need or want coaching or have a specific problem or goal you want to work on, we can use CBT or solution-focused therapy. But the starting point is you and what will help you. You don’t have to decide the type of therapy you want or need for changing behaviour and thinking patterns, we can work that out together.

As an online therapist and counsellor, I am available to help regardless of where in the UK you are. Sessions cost £40 per hour but with flexibility around session length and whether they are regularly-scheduled or flexible. If you prefer in-person then I have premises in Shavington (between Crewe and Nantwich) and I would happy to see you there, with sessions based around £50 per hour. If you want to see if I can help, fill in the contact form and we can arrange an initial, free, no-obligation 30-45 minute discussion.